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Kegan Witzki
Kegan Witzki

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Published in Greener Pastures Magazine

·2 days ago

The Real Story of Maui from “Moana,” Who Was Destroyed by the Power of Kegels

Dr. Folklore’s Dating Advice for Mythical Folks (Number 73) — Original Story: In Māori folklore, Māui was neglected by his mom because he was born prematurely, and his father (guardian of the underworld) made him a demigod out of pity. …

Greener Pastures

3 min read

The Real Story of Maui from “Moana,” Who Was Destroyed by the Power of Kegels
The Real Story of Maui from “Moana,” Who Was Destroyed by the Power of Kegels

Published in Greener Pastures Magazine

·5 days ago

Finding Funny in Textbooks, N.D.A.’s, and Classically Painted Boobs

Magic Monday — Celebrating our Favorite Pieces of Online Satire (Week of May 16th, 2022) — Artistic Critiques of Monet, If Monet Had Been A Woman by Julie Ihle (Slackjaw) “I hope she intends to clean up all that paint.” Farewell Card to Mark, Departing Account Manager and Office Fuckboy by Paul Razzell (The Honeypot) “Hey Mark. When I wrote let’s get together for ‘coffee,’ you know I meant fucking, right? — Tanya”

Comedy

2 min read

Finding Funny in Textbooks, N.D.A.’s, and Classically Painted Boobs
Finding Funny in Textbooks, N.D.A.’s, and Classically Painted Boobs

Published in Greener Pastures Magazine

·May 19

Tinker Bell Is Fed Up She Can’t Sleep at the Same Time as Her Workaholic Partner, Mr. Sandman

Dr. Folklore’s Dating Advice for Mythical Folks (Number 72) — Origin Story: In Scandinavian folklore, The Sandman is said to sprinkle sand or dust on or into the eyes of children at night to bring on sleep and dreams. The grit or “sleep” in one’s eyes upon waking is the supposed result of his work the previous night. Tinker Bell…

Greener Pastures

3 min read

Tinker Bell Is Fed Up She Can’t Sleep at the Same Time as Her Workaholic Partner, Mr. Sandman
Tinker Bell Is Fed Up She Can’t Sleep at the Same Time as Her Workaholic Partner, Mr. Sandman

Published in Greener Pastures Magazine

·May 16

Catching Up on Emails while Aggie Takes a Nap

Good to Be Back! —

Comedy

1 min read

Catching Up on Emails while Aggie Takes a Nap
Catching Up on Emails while Aggie Takes a Nap
GIF from dribbble

Catching Up on Emails while Aggie Takes a Nap

Good to Be Back!

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Published in Greener Pastures Magazine

·Apr 30

Aggie Needs to Go For a Two-Week Walk

She’s getting antsy… —

Satire

1 min read

Aggie Needs to Go For a Two-Week Walk
Aggie Needs to Go For a Two-Week Walk
GIF by Brad Matsushita

Aggie Needs to Go For a Two-Week Walk

She’s getting antsy…

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Published in Greener Pastures Magazine

·Apr 28

Q&A: So Like… What’s Your Deal?

Dr. Folklore’s Dating Advice for Mythical Folks (Number 71) — As the magazine and I head toward a two-week break, what better time than now to answer some questions from our mythical readers. Q: Are you dating anyone? I’ve got an arrow that could help out! A: My focus is on my clients, and revealing that information is personal. Also…

Greener Pastures

2 min read

Q&A: So Like… What’s Your Deal?
Q&A: So Like… What’s Your Deal?

Published in Greener Pastures Magazine

·Apr 21

The Baby from “Rock-A-Bye Baby” is All Grown Up and Freaking Out About Having a Baby

Dr. Folklore’s Dating Advice for Mythical Folks (Number 70) — Origin Story: This famous lullaby first appeared in Mother Goose’s Melody (London circa 1765), and was republished in Boston around 1785. There are many theories about the meaning within the lyrics, but none of them have any proof. The National Literacy Trust listed the lyrics as such in 2021: Rock…

Greener Pastures

2 min read

The Baby from “Rock-A-Bye Baby” is All Grown Up and Freaking Out About Having a Baby
The Baby from “Rock-A-Bye Baby” is All Grown Up and Freaking Out About Having a Baby

Published in Greener Pastures Magazine

·Apr 14

Elvis is Scared to Leave the Building He’s Bunkered In For Over 40 Years

Dr. Folklore’s Dating Advice for Mythical Folks (№69) — Origin Story: There’s one sub-genre many people don’t expect to be included within folklore… conspiracy theories! One popular conspiracy is that Elvis Presley, “The King of Rock ‘n’ Roll” (who died on August 16, 1977 while on the toilet), faked his death and went into hiding. …

Greener Pastures

2 min read

Elvis is Scared to Leave the Building He’s Bunkered In For Over 40 Years
Elvis is Scared to Leave the Building He’s Bunkered In For Over 40 Years

Published in Greener Pastures Magazine

·Apr 7

Baba Yaga, the Famous Russian Witch, Dealing with her Toxic Ex-Boyfriend, Vladimir Putin

Dr. Folklore’s Dating Advice for Mythical Folks (Number 68) — Origin Story: Said to be first mentioned in Slavic Folklore, Baba Yaga is a witch-like deity with a tall nose and long chicken legs who lives in a remote spinning house with legs that only stops if you say the correct spell. …

Greener Pastures

3 min read

Baba Yaga, the Famous Russian Witch, Dealing with her Toxic Ex-Boyfriend, Vladimir Putin
Baba Yaga, the Famous Russian Witch, Dealing with her Toxic Ex-Boyfriend, Vladimir Putin

Published in Greener Pastures Magazine

·Mar 31

Dr. Folklore’s Dating Advice for Mythical Folks (№67)

The Tooth Fairy — Origin Story: First documented in the Eddas (the earliest written recordings of the Vikings), the Tooth Fairy is a mythical creature — usually female with wings and a wand to Westerners — that collects extracted baby teeth left underneath a child’s pillow in exchange for a small payment. …

Greener Pastures

2 min read

Dr. Folklore’s Dating Advice for Mythical Folks (№67)
Dr. Folklore’s Dating Advice for Mythical Folks (№67)
Kegan Witzki

Kegan Witzki

Actor. Writer. Musician. www.keganwitzki.com

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